From time to time, we ALL push for those around us to view us in a more favorable light. We portray one person at home, one person at work, one person at church and yet another on Facebook or Twitter. So, who are we really? Which person that we portray is our true self? Which one is the imposter? And ultimately who do we really want to be?
I love documentaries (most opiate addicts do) and recently I watched a great one. It’s called “The Imposter” and it chronicles the story of a young man from Spain who claims to a grieving Texas family that he is their 16-year-old son who has been missing for 3 years. This young man fools the family and the country for a period of time. It’s crazy! But it worked, for a bit. He looked and sounded just like the missing boy, yet he wasn’t. He was a fake, a con, a fraud.
Addicts and alcoholics do this all the time. We take on the persona of someone we are not in order to get something want. The young man in this documentary was no different. He desperately needed attention and was willing to do whatever it took to get it.
What parents and spouses of addicts must realize is that while those you love are using and drinking, they are playing the role of the imposter. They are not themselves. They are not the little boy or little girl you raised. They are not the person you married. They are an imposter.
As the movie depicts, sometimes imposters are hard to identify. This is especially difficult with addicts. Why? Because as an addict our job 100% of the time is to get YOU to believe the lie that we are living. That’s our focus, motivation and drive. Because if we can get you to believe that we are still the person you loved or raised, then you will give us what we want.
The following six I’s are taken from a recovery based lecture called “the Big I” and will help YOU see through the imposter that has taken over your loved one. These six defensive mechanisms are used by addicts and alcoholics to hide their true identity, to protect themselves and to boost their self-worth. What actually ends up happening is that the defenses cover up a lack of self-worth.
In short, what we think will help us, hurts us. What we think is protecting us, is rendering us vulnerable for attack.
Are you using one of the following defenses as a shield to keep everyone out? To enable you to continue to live as someone you are not?
1. Immaturity – We deal with problems by pouting complaining, throwing temper tantrums
2. Inferior – we act like a macho man/woman. We use external efforts to prove we are superior
3. Inadequacy – We have a fear of being less than, so we reject other people’s ideas. An all or nothing attitude that we must be the best
4. Insecurity – We feel anxious, unsafe. We think no one cares or understands. We need constant reassurance that we are important
5. Impulsivity – We don’t think, we just rush into everything. I want what I want, when I want it… is our motto. We desire our needs to be met now.
6. Insensitivity – We appear to not care for others. We do as we please rebelling against parents, school, the law, our boss or our spouse. Our feelings get hurt very easily.
Do any of these fit your loved one? I am sure they do. Hopefully they will you to spot the imposter.
