This past week I was on the phone with a parent of a sixteen year old boy. They suspect he’s smoking weed and possibly doing pills. The boy’s mom told me about how she’s found empty baggies in his room, papers in his car and even some pill residue on his bathroom countertops. They didn’t know how to proceed because each time they confront him about the issue he goes ballistic. Passionately denying any use whatsoever. He even went as far as saying that someone must have planted the baggies in his room, saying that he would NEVER do something like this.
As she told me their situation I couldn’t help but be reminded of some of my early dealings with denial and bold face lies. I regrettably did the same thing this kid is doing to my parents. I pushed them into a corner, manipulating and conning them into thinking that I was the victim, never the user. One time I was caught with a bag of weed in my Jeep and I vehemently denied it was mine. Making up a story ten levels deep about how someone was out to get me. Giving an Oscar worthy performance in the character I often portrayed, The Misery Martyr.
This character ALWAYS blamed someone else and never accepted fault, responsibility or admitted guilt.
Does this situation sound familiar? Are you dealing with a child whom you think is struggling with drug use? If not, your kids may be too young, but sooner or later there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself in this same position.  Either way, I’ve laid out a quick four step process that you can follow to find the truth in what can be a web of lies and manipulation.
Today in Part One of the series “How To Know If Your Child Is Using Drugs”, we discuss instinct, the best and most often underutilized tool in the parent’s tool belt.

“How To Know If Your Child Is Using Drugs”

Trust your Gut – Let’s get something straight right out the gate. No one knows your kid like you do. You created this child, you are them and they are you. That means you have a special tool that only YOU can utilize to help discern the truth in what will certainly be a deep web of lies. What is this tool? It’s your gut! Your instinct, your intuition, that feeling that seems to well up from deep inside of you and then rush over you like water from a water fall. That’s the tool you must use when you are dealing with a drug user. Why? Because they (we) are master manipulator, con artists to the hilt and seem to have a knack of pulling the wool over parents eyes.
So for you to be able to see through this fog and make sound judgements, you need to rely heavily on your gut feelings. But unfortunately for many of you this pivotal tool was put on the shelf years ago only to sit, get rusty and dull. But its not too late to get it out and start sharpening. And if you want to understand what your child is up to, you will.
When it comes to your child’s honesty or lack thereof. Your gut feeling is the best tool you have to decipher how truthful they are being. You know what they look like when they’re hiding something. You know what it feels like when they’re lying to you. You feel it, you sense it. So trust it. Don’t second guess it or allow them to talk you into something else. When you are faced with a question in your mind about what they are doing, I urge you to trust the first feeling that hits your heart.
If you feel like they are beginning to experiment then try and open up some communication channels. As you discuss, ask them probing questions and trust your gut as to where to take the conversation. If you feel that ting in your gut that somethings not quite right, then probe deeper, ask for more explanations, seek the truth and trust your gut along the way. That’s your job as the parent, so don’t feel bad for not trusting them. Most likely they don’t deserve trust at this point anyway. Lack of trust in a child is NOT a lack of love. It’s in fact the opposite. You love them enough to seek truth, to seek honest, so you can best know how to protect them. That’s love.
As you discuss you may find out some sad news, maybe they have tried something or are using on a regular basis. Either way, at least they are talking about it with you. That is always the preferred situation. The goal should be to create a calm, judgment free environment to discuss these difficult issues.
For some of you, this thought is long gone. Your kid sees you as an adversary and they are on mission to hide everything they can from you. This situation is more common, so don’t feel bad if you find yourself here. But the same principle applies. If you feel in your gut that something’s not right, then let your child know that. Tell them honestly and calmly what you are seeing and how it’s affecting their lives. Your life and the dynamic of your entire family is on the line, so don’t take this lightly. Trust your gut and seek answers.
If they still won’t admit to anything, move to step 2.
Which we will talk more about in part 2 of this series “How To Know If Your Child Is Using Drugs”
Conversations like these will set the tone for how serious issues are discussed in your family going forward. So wade through these waters gently and always trust your gut.
If I can ever help, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Here is my email: [email protected] and a link to the books I’ve written about my addiction.
Hope is Alive!!