I don’t know how the phrase “walking on eggshells” came about. I don’t know what it means, exactly, or what historical thing it’s referencing. What I do know is this: I hear it a lot, especially from moms and dads, spouses, siblings, and other friends and family members of addicts.
I will meet with an addict’s loved ones during the early stages of recovery, and inevitably one of them will say, “I just feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them.” What they mean—and what you’ve probably meant if you’ve said the same thing—is that you’re worried. You are living with the constant fear that anything you say or do could be taken the wrong way, and then they’ll be out the door and headed for relapse.
It makes sense. After all, they weren’t the most emotionally stable, rational person while they were using! They’ve trained you not to believe in their behavior, and they’ve trained you really well.
So what can you do?
First of all, realize that their sobriety is their responsibility, not yours.
One of the things they’re learning is to take ownership of their decisions, which is something they hadn’t done in the past (and why they were so irrational and moody). It’s new to them, so it’s going to be a little jarring and, just like a toddler does more falling down than walking at first, it’s going to take them awhile to get used to it.
That’s okay! You still can be kind and caring without littering your life with eggshells.
The other thing you definitely need in your life is a positive support group around you. You need to connect with other people who either have gone or who are going through the same ordeal as you, and who can provide encouragement to you through this time. And an extra bonus feature: you get to support them, too! It’s a win-win!
Just like addicts need other addicts to lean on and to say, “I understand; I’ve been there,” you too need other family members, spouses, siblings, or parents to say the same thing. You won’t believe the tremendous emotional and physical benefits you’ll get from regular interactions with other family members like yourself. I cannot encourage you enough to find a program and stick with it. Don’t let anything stop you from doing this. Not pride, or fear, or telling yourself you don’t really need it. None of that.
You need a support group. Join one! And there’s no better time then right now! It’s the start of a new year, filled with NEW promises and NEW hopes. So today, make a resolution to find a support group and get plugged in!
If you live in the OKC area I would personally like to invite you to join the parents/spouse support groups I host called “Finding Hope”. In fact, we have a group meeting tonight and you can come as my guest!
Click here to see the times & locations of the Finding Hope classes in OKC.
Hope is Alive!
