If you don’t know, I get the ultimate privilege of living in community with 21 other men. No just normal men, but 21 other recovering drug addicts! It’s a crazy, exciting, often time’s smelly, messy, yet wonderful world that I wouldn’t trade for anything. All the men live in one of three homes operated by Hope is Alive Ministries. Specifically I live with eight other men, all of whom share one bathroom! So the next time you think you’ve got it rough just think about having to share your shower with eight other men. Gross right?!
Anyway…
Last week I asked several of the men this question: What Makes It So Hard To Stay Sober?
As their response began to roll in I found them incredibly insightful and knew I needed to share this valuable information with you. Mainly because I think this is a question many of you have asked yourself. Especially if you’re a “normal” (non addict) person and you have a family member or someone your love that’s struggled with addiction. It can be tough for people to understand why someone has such a hard time doing something that 90% of the world does naturally. So if that’s you today, then I think these responses can help!
(Note: I’ve listed the sobriety length of each person next to their response so you could see how the struggle changes as you begin to get some time under your belt.)
Question: What Makes It So Hard To Stay Sober?
The hardest part for me is re-entering my own life. Learning how to actually deal with things like feelings and issues as they come up and not trying to escape them. This is hard but it feels really awesome to be truthful and that prevents me from wanting to run from issues I typically run from. (2 Weeks)
The hardest thing about living a sober life is just that “sober life”. Just because I’ve gotten sober doesn’t mean that life stops being tough. Life is life. There are good times and there are bad times, times of joy and times of pain. Life hasn’t changed. What has changed is the fact that I no longer use drugs and alcohol as my solution. I was told when I got sober that if I stuck with it my life would change. That hasn’t been the case for me. What happened is by working the steps and growing closer to GOD I’VE CHANGED. So life still happens but with the steps and most importantly God, I am able to deal with whatever life throws at me. (2 ½ Years)
For me there are 2 “toughest parts” about staying sober. One would be the “legality” and availability of my drug of choice, opiates. I can have a legitimate prescription in my hands within an hour of having the itch, and I can justify it. I don’t need a drug dealer, I have doctors, and they’re much safer and cheaper. Second, and most difficult, is dealing with emotion. For years I haven’t had to deal with emotions of any kind, because I could kill them with drugs. Since gaining my sobriety I’ve had several crazy, emotionally draining, painful, exciting, relieving and exhausting experiences. Literally years’ worth of experiences and emotions in a matter of a few months. When it got really tough, I knew there was an instant, albeit temporary, fix. Swallow a handful of pills and feel no more. That’s easy. But, I’ve learned that turning these things over to God brings on a high so much more powerful, meaningful, rewarding and gratifying than any pill has ever been. Watching God take the destruction of my past and the mistakes of my present and make miracles and testimony out of them has been amazing. (5 Months)
The hardest part of staying sober is honestly complacency. Back in my using days, most every day was a different “adventure” of sorts. Different places to steal things from. Go out drinking and not really knowing where you might end up. Go out partying until 4 in the morning. But being sober I don’t get to do things like that. Most of my days are just about the same. It’s taken some getting used to, but it’s definitely a better way to live. Most things are predictable. Not many surprises are thrown at you in sobriety. Ya, the occasional family emergency, sickness, death, or whatever will eventually come, but that’s life. You learn to deal with these things like a normal human being instead of like a child. “My dad died so I’m going to hole up in my room for 30 days straight and jab a needle full of drugs in me because that’s what will make me feel better” I know that doesn’t work anymore, no matter how difficult life may get. What works is talking about these things. Feeling the feelings, acknowledging them, and getting on with my life. (3 Years)
I think the hardest thing for me at this point in my sobriety is learning to go easy on myself. I still have this golden standard that was set long ago by my family and it resonates still today. I can easily slip into a self-hatred mode if I don’t reach perfection. But our literature talks of progress and not perfection. It’s difficult to give myself a permission slip to not be the best _______ today. If I work my hardest at doing something, that’s good enough for today. (18 Months)
The hardest part for me is having a mind that tells me it will be different this time. Because when I do think about using or drinking my thoughts automatically go back to the good times. I don’t go back to the times when I drank and drove and killed a man or the times I was locked in a room by my self-shooting coke. Also, it’s still hard for me to watch shows like intervention or something that shows people shooting up. I can’t watch anything with a needle, including having my own blood drawn. I think that’s Gods little way of telling me to never to put a needle in my arm again! (2 years)
I don’t get to do things like have sex with random women. I know that sounds crass but it’s true. Today the hardest part of living a sober life is living a changed life. My past life was comfortable, easy and I knew how to survive. This new live is tough and challenging, but it’s ultimately a whole lot more rewarding! (9 Months)
The hardest part of being sober is staying consistent in my daily activities and responsibilities. Since becoming sober I’ve picked up a variety of new responsibilities including making time to go see my family which has been difficult because they live in another town, maintaining my physical fitness, being on time and doing what I am supposed to at work, leading others to try to stay sober and continuing to grow my faith in God. Back in my using days I was just in charge of getting high for the day. That’s all I focused on and all I cared about. Bu today, thank God, things are different and present new challenges. (2 ½ Years)
The hardest part about staying sober for me is staying in “today”, staying present and not playing too much in the future. Since I have such uncertainty about my future my mind is constantly focused on preparing to go to prison, so I struggle to find peace. I also have a hard time dealing with trauma when you can no longer medicate it away. (7 Months)
Keeping a balance in life. The less life is about drugs/focusing on your initial sobriety and more about being a productive member of society, the tougher it gets to keep a balance. (2 ½ Years)
My life since getting sober is so unimaginably good that the hardest thing for me these days is remembering how awful life was, and would be if I went back to behaving like I use to. There have been times I’ve attended events that historically I would have drank or used at, and the struggle is convincing myself that while the event might be more fun if I weren’t sober, my life after that would change both rapidly and dramatically for the worse. (3 years)
I pray these answers help you find clarity, understanding and hope for your situation. If you or someone you know is in early recovery I would love to suggest my first book that offers 6 practical ways to stay sober in a modern world. You can pick it up here!
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