There was a time not too long ago that I prided myself on my ability to forgive. I built a season of my life around the phrase ‘radical forgiveness’. I tried to embody the phrase. Carrying it along with me through my peaks and valleys like that blue ribbon I won for high jumping 4’ 1” in second grade. I was so proud of myself for who I had become and even more for what I had overcome. And it was all because of forgiveness. Radical Forgiveness. It was a lifestyle that produced great results.
But I didn’t get to that place of peaceful utopia because life was going so well. No, I arrived at the fork in the road of forgiveness only after immense heartache, hurt or humiliation. It was in that deep, dark valley that I  found myself eye to eye with one of the most life changing decisions I had ever faced. To forgive or not to forgive?
I had just experienced a season of heartaches, hurts and humiliation and I found myself feeling utterly abandoned, lonely and embarrassed. People had hurt me that I thought would never hurt me. I was so scared and broken in a way I had never experienced. After months of grieving and knee burned nights of prayer I came to the conclusion that the only way I would ever begin to walk out of this wounded wilderness would be to do something so crazy, something so against my nature, something so terrifying that God himself would be the only one that could ever make it happen. I chose to radically forgive. I radically forgave the people that hurt me, I radically forgave those band wagon jumpers who made my wound sting ever stronger and I radically forgave myself for the part I played (because we always play a part, we are NOT victims).  And you know what? It worked! I began literally forgiving people out loud, every day for months. I would chant to myself like some crazy person. I would actually utter the words, “God help me forgive Brad Pitt.” (Not really a person in my life, but I got your attention huh?). “God help me forgive so-in-so, God help me forgive him, God help me forgive her, etc ,etc. Pretty soon this banner of radical forgiveness began to produce a happy, joyous and free life. No longer did the weight of un-forgiveness drag me around, I was free, light, walking on sunshine…
Unfortunately after slowly coming out of this season and into a new one, I’ve begun to do what us crazy humans do and I’ve stopped doing what was helping me live that happy and healthy life. I’ve stopped forgiving! I’ve stopped practicing my own radical new way of living. What happened? When did I get off track? How did I let this lack of forgiveness back in?
Recently I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Am I tired? Am I angry? Have I lost the joy that resurrected my life?
I can’t really answer any of those questions right now, and truthfully I don’t know what is going on with me. But what I do know is that I’ve gotta get back to that way of life. I’ve got to start practicing radical forgiveness again and I’ve got to start now. I need turn my eyes and my heart away from the past and fiercely focused towards the future. Otherwise I’m as good as dead.
What about you? Where are you when it comes to practicing radical forgiveness? Are you quick to forgive, move on and stay free? Or are you stuck in a rut of un-forgiveness? Do you need to forgive someone? Maybe today…?
Come back soon to read Part 2 in this series on forgiveness.