I must admit, at times I doubt. I doubt my calling, doubt my ability, doubt my ideas. Doubt my writing, my influence, my impact.
I doubt myself.
I often feel insignificant and crazy for thinking that what I am doing well sustain me into the future.  That I could actually make a living helping people find freedom from addiction. These feelings grow and I begin to think to myself, I must work harder, plan more intensely, think more creatively. I begin to slowly take back the faith I’ve entrusted to God for so long—the faith that changed my life–and slowly convince myself that my will is better than God’s will.
Doubt can be a scary thing. It’s a slow, progressive curse of living in a fallen world. And recently I’ve experienced it a lot.
As life will do, it’s thrown some trials my way the past few weeks. It’s knocked me off my comfortable little seat and challenged my faith. As this has happened, the future has seemed more and more foggy, daunting, and scary–feelings that have brought about a good deal of doubt in my spirit. First, I doubted myself, then I doubted my ability, then I doubted God. And when that started to happen the enemy had a stronghold and tried to take over.
There was a man in the Bible named Thomas who knew a thing or two about doubt. So much so that he’s become known as Doubting Thomas, which is probably the worst nickname in the history of nicknames. Thomas was a disciple of Jesus, which means he was in the inner circle and would have given up a great deal to follow Jesus. So it’s not incredibly surprising that when the man he had given his life to follow died, and rumors had begun to spread about his resurrection (something many of us would have never believed), he wanted proof.
I think we all would have wanted proof, too.
Well, one day Thomas was with his disciple friends and Jesus, as he does, suddenly just appeared inside the house where they were. This in and of itself would probably have been enough for me to believe he had risen, but Thomas wanted more proof. He wanted to see Jesus’ scarred hands and put his fingers in his side (which is a little weird, but whatever). What happens next is amazing and perfectly describes the character of Jesus and our heavenly father.
As Jesus appears, the bible says that, instead of rebuking Thomas and criticizing him for his doubting spirit, Jesus met Thomas right at the place of his unbelief and said, “Reach your finger here, look at My hands; reach your hand here and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.”
Jesus said, “It’s okay when you doubt. I understand. I can handle it.” Jesus loved Thomas and cared for him specifically and intentionally. It’s like He made a special trip from Heaven back to Earth just so Thomas could believe. How incredible is that?
Doubt is a part of life and has been around for a long time. The enemy patiently waits outside of doubts door, just waiting for you to crack it open. When you do he pounces and wants to pull you in and never let you go. But the beauty of God is that even when we doubt his supremacy and sovereign touch on our lives, he still pursues us. Seemingly making specific trips from heaven to earth just help us believe again.
Today may your faith by rich, full and alive. May you believe with everything in you that God has a plan for your life. That he has made a way for you to overcome the situation you find yourself. That no matter what place of doubt you’re stuck in, you would realize that Jesus is ready to meet you right there, reach out his nail-scarred hand, and pull you out of your doubt to help you believe again.