To answer the question I know you are thinking after reading the title to this blog, yes – I get depressed. And I have no problem admitting that. You’ll find out why later in the post.
In fact for years I’ve struggled deeply with depression. It’s comes and goes, but for whatever reason it came back last week. You might have noticed because I didn’t write any new blog posts and I barely posted on social media, two things I struggled to do when I’m feeling down.
My creativity was sapped, my energy was low—so my work suffered and too often I put my value and happiness in the amount of work I can get done (that’s called being a workaholic and is an entirely different post) so when I can’t work I tend to get depressed.
When I’m depressed a couple things happen. First off, I become overwhelmed with fear. My mind starts to wander into the future and the enemy starts whispering lies like “you’ll never be able to make a living working in the ministry” or “no-one really cares about your story” or “you’ll always be alone, your too selfish to ever be in a successful relationship”. Yeah, the enemy sucks and he is very mean.
Once the fear sits in and I allow it to affect me, I tend to start the party. The pity party. “Oh woe is me” is the tune I start playing. I tell my self-stuff like:
– why do I have to be an alcoholic
– why can’t I have more money
– why is life so hard for me
– why, why, why, why
If I let this snowball too far out of control, the next thing I know I will be locked upstairs in my room for weeks. Because when I get depressed I want to run and hide. That’s been my nature since I was a little kid. So about halfway through last week when I finally begin to realize what was going on with me I decided to do two things. These two things really helped me slowly get back on track, so I thought I’d share them with you.
1. Get Lost in Something You Love – Sounds a little selfish right? But in this moment of depression when fear, guilt, shame and unworthiness are running rampant, it’s good to get out and do something you love so much that you literally get lost in it for hours. Too often we get stuck in the mundane routine of life and fail to get out and play. I talk about this principle quite a bit in my new book (buy it here). I describe how important it is to have fun, to experience life to the fullest, to laugh, to smile and to get lost in ourselves. Depression seeks to steal all of our joy, but we work to overcome it by giving ourselves the gift of “me time.” For me I get lost in playing basketball. So I went to the gym 3 days in a row last week and got lost on the court for hours. I’m old and outta shape, but it didn’t matter. I played my heart out and it enabled me to not think about anything for hours and that felt great! So what does that look like for you? Do you need some me-time?
2. Tell Everyone You Meet – From the moment the fog of OxyContin lifted a little over three years ago, I’ve purposely chosen to tell just about everyone that will listen the struggles I have faced. This open and vulnerable way of life has changed me for the better. So it seems to make sense that when I am depressed I would try following the same path. But admitting to someone something you “used” to struggle with is way different than admitting to someone something you are “currently” struggling with. But the truth is the results are the same. Freedom. So last week I told just about everyone that I came in contact with that I was tired, exhausted, depressed and just wanted to lay in bed all day. This confession helped me claim my pain. When I claim my pain I naturally begin to think about the ways in which I can overcome it. This in itself is a great way to overcome depression. But there are other fringe benefits to confession. I find that when I tell someone what I am struggling with they typically have a word of encouragement for me, some advice to give or they may even admit to struggling with the same thing. Which naturally helps me to not feel so alone or different.
So today I am choosing to be open and vulnerable, to tell you that I am not 100% myself. The depression lingers a little. But I know what I can continue to do to work my way out of it. Telling the world is a great way to start.
Another way is claiming the victory of this verse below. It’s the ultimate reminder that not all life is good, but that our God can work all things together for the good. And that’s really GOOD news….
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
-Hope is Alive
